I am Pavlov's Dog('s nuts)
Sunday night was odd.... in that Aidan never crawled into bed with us. One might think after roughly two years of being forced to hang half of my ever-increasing bulk off the bed in order to accommodate a child of irrationally large bed dimension (defined as the amount of square footage a body is able to occupy when spread out to maximum comfort) and/or having said child perform Riverdance and Lord of the Dance in their entirety on my testicles and or kidneys every single night that I would be thankful for the break and well rested as an outcome. One would be wrong, however; I actually had trouble sleeping. I was cold, and I couldn't get comfortable because I was flopping all over the place. Plus, I was waiting for him to come in, so I had a touch of the "waiting for the second shoe to drop" syndrome.
On top of that, I was listening to Maia sleep...and of course, with every little noise she made I got a nice healthy shot of adrenaline into my veins, so that by 4:30 or so I felt like I had drank a 6 pack of Red Bull with a healthy shot of amphetamine as a chaser. And she was making a lot of noise, because she's congested due to a very slight cold, which only seems to come out at night. So when she gets stuffy, out comes the binkie, and that makes her madder....which in turn causes her to try to head-butt her way through her mattress (which is a lot like watching a puppy try to jump up to a table and pull food off... funny, in a kind of "isn't failure cute" kind of way, but you eventually help because you're a good person, and this isn't in fact a dog but your own child, a fact that is harder than you might think to process at dark-thirty in the morning). Insert binkie, walk away, repeat again in 5-15 minutes.
Speaking of the little princess, I'm fast becoming a pro at the whole "taking care of both kids on Fridays", and a lot of that is due to Maia finally realizing that I love her as much as her mom, and will not REALLY throw her out with the bathwater (which is something I sing to her as I swing her around when she cries....sick, I know, but have we met? Besides, she seems to like it.) She also seems to be getting used to car rides, which is proof positive that there is a God....because when I have nothing else to do with the kids, Aidan is ALWAYS up for a long drive to see the country, and it passes the time nicely. So basically, I've graduated from stationary neglect-o-matic swing to moving neglect-o-matic carseat.
Who said an old dog can't learn new tricks?
On top of that, I was listening to Maia sleep...and of course, with every little noise she made I got a nice healthy shot of adrenaline into my veins, so that by 4:30 or so I felt like I had drank a 6 pack of Red Bull with a healthy shot of amphetamine as a chaser. And she was making a lot of noise, because she's congested due to a very slight cold, which only seems to come out at night. So when she gets stuffy, out comes the binkie, and that makes her madder....which in turn causes her to try to head-butt her way through her mattress (which is a lot like watching a puppy try to jump up to a table and pull food off... funny, in a kind of "isn't failure cute" kind of way, but you eventually help because you're a good person, and this isn't in fact a dog but your own child, a fact that is harder than you might think to process at dark-thirty in the morning). Insert binkie, walk away, repeat again in 5-15 minutes.
Speaking of the little princess, I'm fast becoming a pro at the whole "taking care of both kids on Fridays", and a lot of that is due to Maia finally realizing that I love her as much as her mom, and will not REALLY throw her out with the bathwater (which is something I sing to her as I swing her around when she cries....sick, I know, but have we met? Besides, she seems to like it.) She also seems to be getting used to car rides, which is proof positive that there is a God....because when I have nothing else to do with the kids, Aidan is ALWAYS up for a long drive to see the country, and it passes the time nicely. So basically, I've graduated from stationary neglect-o-matic swing to moving neglect-o-matic carseat.
Who said an old dog can't learn new tricks?
posted by Clueless Dad | 6:15 AM
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