Quit Deflowering my Childhood!

So far, Maia is pretty much the perfect baby. She rarely cries (other than when we change her diaper and swat at her delicate lady-bits with ice cold wipes), she spits up in small amounts and only infrequently (like when I forget she's just been fed and lay her on her back), and she's allowing us good amounts of sleep between feedings at night. I say "we", but really, as before, it's all on Mom to get that done since, despite my thousands of sincere prayers, I haven't managed to grow boobs yet. My end of that deal is to get up with Aidan everyday, regardless of when that might be, so that she can sleep in.

Which brings me to my point: What the hell is wrong with the advertising people in charge over at Nickelodeon? When we get up at the crack of dawn, I make Aidan breakfast then blearily flick on the TV and see what wondrous show from my childhood Nick is showing-- if it's Roseanne or The Cosby Show, I leave it on. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? No thanks, never liked it. So the last few days it's been Cosby all the way, baby... I used to watch that show with my parents, on the couch, the perfect picture of American family bliss. So each episode really takes me back to my childhood, and I enjoy the feeling of tradition being passed (although Aidan rarely cares enough to watch-- he's usually playing with his train or his blocks). But the ads they have been running during these 3-4 episodes lately.... it sucks, frankly. I'm not a prude, and I like to think I'm fairly feminized, but is it REALLY necessary to have every single commercial be for some kind of product to make your hoo-hah a) less itchy, b) less...ummm...stinky, or c) less likely to keep you out of school for a week (seriously-- Always has this BS one about how girls in Africa are falling behind because they don't have money for pads and thus can't go to school. Oh Always, whatever did we do before you blessed us with your absorbency?).

What the HELL? It seriously interferes with my ability to enjoy these shows; first, I really bristle at the idea that no man alive is going to be up watching that channel at that time ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever. Second, when did it become socially acceptable to show commercials like this when the PROGRAMMING ITSELF is directed at the kids they KNOW are watching. Is someone out there seriously hoping some 5 yr old will see it and then say "Hey mom, I saw something for you... you know how you're always scratching yourself? Try THIS on for size." Might as well have commercials for "National Bleeding Hooker with AIDS and a Crack Habit Day, sponsored by Hallmark". Again, I acknowledge that these problems exist and am sensitive to them, but I don't want to have to THINK about them when I'm trying to be entertained and relive my childhood. When I was watching these show for the first time, I had no clue what a vagina was, and no idea that what I had in my pants was good for anything other than writing my name in the snow. And the idea that either one of them would at some point smell or itch, or have some kind of "discharge" probably would have sent me screaming to this hills. So please, please, PLEASE stop with the crotch-centric advertising. I'm begging here-- seriously, I don't like seeing Vagasil ads and then having my fertile little mind wonder if perhaps Clare Huxtable ever felt "un-fresh".... it makes me feel so very very dirty. The only upside to this, I suppose, is that there will definitely be yet another generation of boys calling each other douche-bags without fully comprehending what that means.

Seriously Nickelodeon, stop it. Don't make me come over there. I have cute children, and I'm not afraid to parade them in front of you to show you who you're scarring for life.